Humor

If your mother offered you eight million dollars to have a baby, would you do it? Jamie Jacobson doesn’t have a lot of faith in love, except when it comes to her Jimmy Choo shoes. Her brother Danny has two loves; his barely existent acting career and his ability to pick up women. But life is about to take a wild turn for these two dysfunctional but lovable siblings now that their mother has just won the lottery. Frankie, a longtime widow has wanted grandchildren for years. Now she’s prepared to pay cash for them. When Frankie presents her son and daughter each with a contract promising $8 million dollars if he or she can produce a child in the next twelve months (DNA tested, of course), Jamie and Danny each begin a frantic search for a person to help them reproduce. Come along on their desperate, outrageous and hilarious journeys where fake seductions, ovulation kits and a tarot-card reader are replacing condoms, the pill and fun, meaningless hook-ups. They hit a couple big bumps in the road that have nothing to do with their lack of diaper changing experience, but a lot to do with their hearts. Now they face the choice of their lives. Give in to love? Or go for the JACKPOT? "So incredibly original and refreshing, it has all the elements that make it a fabulous read including witty dialogue, romance, humor, a remarkably original plot and wonderful characters. Jackpot! is a novel that readers of authors like Emily Giffin, Sophie Kinsella and Jennifer Weiner will adore!" -Danielle Smith, Chick Lit Reviews "Jackie Pilossoph definitely hits the jackpot with her sophomore novel. With snappy dialogue and loveable personality traits, the two main characters will become your friends. Add in a heart clenching plot twist and plenty of scenes that will leave you laughing out loud!" -Samantha Robey, Chick Lit +

Must one honorable man pay for the sins of his cruel, aristocratic family? Can an old man brutally wronged by that family find forgiveness before it's too late? And will history--the sweeping violence of the French Revolution--force father to betray child in his search for vengeance? A Tale of Two Cities is Charles Dickens's immortal story of love and ultimate sacrifice.

One man's true story of the trials and tribulations he encountered while working at the evil empire of the retail world known affectionately as 'Wally-world'. The author thought he was merely applying for a job that he hoped would eventually lead to financial security in the form of salaried management. He didn't know that he had willing joined the ranks of an evil empire bent on ruling the world with the slogan—"Save money to live better." The author did not survive the experience...

This novel is dedicated to all the unsung, under appreciated—strapped for cash because the company keeps cutting your hours and using bad performance reviews to deny you the raises you deserve—associates who come in every day and make Wally-world what is. I know who you are or were and I appreciate all your hard work.

Why did the author write this and why should you read it? Good question. I'm not Bill Gates or any other highly famous and certainly much more successful businessman. I didn't exactly write it to get even with those who so maliciously persecuted me out the door of a career I loved. You could look at it as if it's some kind of soul healing exercise from a person who can't afford a good psychologist. It is all of that—but it's something much more too. By writing all of this down I found the strength and courage to climb back in the ring for another round—like that admirable American icon—Rocky.

This is one person standing up for all the associates at Wally-world who work so hard without much recognition or reward. It's for every person who dared to invest their heart and soul into their work because they believed it defines them as a person. And finally, it's for anyone who has ever found themselves in the same position as me.

If that doesn't interest you, well...It is kind of humorous...
Call it a warning to those who foolishly invest their heart and soul in place devoid of anything that resembles moral principles...

Weight Watchers meets corporate satire in this debut novel from the bestselling author of Mousetrapped: A Year and A Bit in Orlando, Florida, and Backpacked: A Reluctant Trip Across Central America

Through their Ultimate Weight Loss Diet Solution Zone System, Slimmit International Global Incorporated claim they're making the world a more attractive place one chubby at a time. Their slogans "Where You're Fat and We Know It!" and "Where the Fat IS Your Fault!" are recognised around the globe, their share price is as high as their energy levels and the counter in the lobby says 5,000,000 slimmed.

But today the theft of their latest revolutionary product, Lipid Loser, will threaten to expose the real secret behind Slimmit's success...

Aaron, the hunky Director of Security, must find the Lipid Loser or face losing his job. Marianne, head of Slimming Operations, offers to help him, but what she really wants to find is the secret prototype she's been working on, the Much, Much More Muffin. Meanwhile Slimmit founder and CEO Nicola is struggling to stay conscious in the magic underwear she needs to hide her newly acquired muffin top. Her daughter Emmy--overweight and so deemed "unacceptably beyond corporate Appearance Policy parametres"--is pushing paper in Slimmit's basement and dreaming of a skinny life, one she doubts attending Fat Club meetings is going to bring her.

And so the race is on to find the Lipid Loser and save Slimmit from certain disaster. If their secrets get out, their competitors will put them out of business. If the government finds out, they'll all go to jail. And if their clients find out... Well, as Slimmit's Slimming Specialists know all too well, there's only one thing worse than a hungry, sugar-crazed, carb addict--and that's an angry one.

Can the secret behind Slimmit's success survive the day, or will their long-suffering slimmers finally discover the truth?

Praise for Mousetrapped by Catherine Ryan Howard:

"A unique book by a brilliantly witty, instantly loveable author... I couldn't put it down." --Trashionista.com

"[A] unique story that proves that dreams really do come true." --WanderlustandLipstick.com

Praise for Backpacked by Catherine Ryan Howard:

"[The] self-deprecating tone is genuine and grounded in sanity, which makes the voice a thoroughly likeable one." --Susan Griffith, author of Work Your Way Around the World

"I read and loved Mousetrapped [and] I wasn't disappointed [with Backpacked] -- Catherine takes the same dry wit and self-deprecating humour along for the ride ... Highly recommended." --Marsha Moore, author of 24 Hours: Paris and 24 Hours: London

Mark Twain's story of a mischievous Missouri schoolboy combines humor, terror, and astute social criticism in a delightful tale of life on the Mississippi. Written in 1876, Tom Sawyer became the model for an ideal of American boyhood in the 19th century.

Warning: This novel is not recommended for readers under 18 years of age.

Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire.

When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband.

Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape from the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell.

ROMANCE NOVEL—the unabridged, unauthorized comedic look at the bestselling vampire series that will leave you wondering who the hell ever believed vampires could “sparkle.” And you’ll laugh…all the way to the bathroom!

*****Praise for ROMANCE NOVEL******
“I found this story to be hysterical from cover to cover.” Diana from Night Owl Romance, Night Owl Reviews Top Pick

“This parody will have you laughing out loud.” Melissa from Were Vamps Romance

“Oh PJ Jones, you had me at ‘skanky crotch’.” Penni from Favorite Thing Ever

“By the time I finished reading my sides were aching with laughter.” Orchid from Long and Short of it Reviews

“If you are a fan of good satire, this is definitely a book for you.” Wendy from You Gotta Read Reviews

Oscar Wilde's only novel, a classic instance of the aestheticism of the 19th century English literature. Dorian is what I would like to be - in other ages, perhaps, said Oscar Wilde describing this novel. Basil Hallward is what I think I am. Lord Henry is what the world thinks I am.

In the centre of the room, clamped to an upright easel, stood the full-length portrait of a young man of extraordinary personal beauty, and in front of it, some little distance away, was sitting the artist himself, Basil Hallward, whose sudden disappearance some years ago caused, at the time, such public excitement and gave rise to so many strange conjectures.

As the painter looked at the gracious and comely form he had so skilfully mirrored in his art, a smile of pleasure passed across his face, and seemed about to linger there. But he suddenly started up, and closing his eyes, placed his fingers upon the lids, as though he sought to imprison within his brain some curious dream from which he feared he might awake.

How sad it is! murmured Dorian Gray with his eyes still fixed upon his own portrait. How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young. It will never be older than this particular day of June.... If it were only the other way! If it were I who was to be always young, and the picture that was to grow old! For that - for that - I would give everything! Yes, there is nothing in the whole world I would not give! I would give my soul for that!

GAME OF THRONES: A NEW ORIGINAL SERIES, NOW ON HBO.

Few books have captivated the imagination and won the devotion and praise of readers and critics everywhere as has George R. R. Martin’s monumental epic cycle of high fantasy. Now, in A Feast for Crows, Martin delivers the long-awaited fourth book of his landmark series, as a kingdom torn asunder finds itself at last on the brink of peace . . . only to be launched on an even more terrifying course of destruction.

A FEAST FOR CROWS

It seems too good to be true. After centuries of bitter strife and fatal treachery, the seven powers dividing the land have decimated one another into an uneasy truce. Or so it appears. . . . With the death of the monstrous King Joffrey, Cersei is ruling as regent in King’s Landing. Robb Stark’s demise has broken the back of the Northern rebels, and his siblings are scattered throughout the kingdom like seeds on barren soil. Few legitimate claims to the once desperately sought Iron Throne still exist—or they are held in hands too weak or too distant to wield them effectively. The war, which raged out of control for so long, has burned itself out.

But as in the aftermath of any climactic struggle, it is not long before the survivors, outlaws, renegades, and carrion eaters start to gather, picking over the bones of the dead and fighting for the spoils of the soon-to-be dead. Now in the Seven Kingdoms, as the human crows assemble over a banquet of ashes, daring new plots and dangerous new alliances are formed, while surprising faces—some familiar, others only just appearing—are seen emerging from an ominous twilight of past struggles and chaos to take up the challenges ahead.

It is a time when the wise and the ambitious, the deceitful and the strong will acquire the skills, the power, and the magic to survive the stark and terrible times that lie before them. It is a time for nobles and commoners, soldiers and sorcerers, assassins and sages to come together and stake their fortunes . . . and their lives. For at a feast for crows, many are the guests—but only a few are the survivors.


From the Hardcover edition.